A neighbor once loaned me a book about teaching children to have courage. I took it but didn’t think it was important enough to read at the time, and it ended up dusty on my bookshelf. I remember thinking, “I’m sure my kids will have plenty of courage” (a little prideful, I guess?). Fast forward twenty years, I could’ve used some tips to help my kids rise to their warriorship! This is NOT easy stuff.
I’ve learned a lengthy list of lessons from studying, observing and experiencing, but so much of what I’ve learned about being a confident parent comes from spending so much time NOT being a confident parent; and I know that God doesn’t want that for us.
When you parent from a place of confidence (and I don’t mean you think you personally have all the answers), you will have less anxiety in those moments and be able to do a better job extending to your kids something that will be vital for them to get to a healthy place of maturity. That something is grace, and confident moms are more at peace to extend this oh-so-important grace.
When your kids are given appropriate space in your home to foul up a little and learn from their mistakes (i.e. you give grace here and there, sometimes when it was least deserved), they will be stronger to choose courage over fear later on when they need it most. They will be more equipped to make choices based on conviction, rooted in encouragement, rather than making a choice that gives them the most fans or the easiest path .
So what does confidence look like in a mom who is seeking to follow Jesus, and how do these traits grow COURAGE in your home?
(Seven ways to start getting your family ready for battle!)
1. You are seeking knowledge from good people, good books, and THE GOOD BOOK to set boundaries for you and the life of your family.
“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One results in good judgement.” Proverbs 9:10 (NLT)
Consistent boundaries provide a sense of safety and reduced chaos…which, over time, grows COURAGE.
2. You are not afraid to be criticized for something you feel convicted about, because you didn’t just grab your convictions out of the wind. You know what you should be standing for, and you stand up for those things even when you ARE afraid.
“Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth.” 2 Timothy 2:15
When you choose to stand up for what you believe in, people in your home will notice! You’re instilling the roots of COURAGE.
3. You work to share your convictions with compassion and kindness rather than insensitivity (Jesus modeled this for us!).
“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Proverbs 15:1
When your teachings are done with patience and respect, this “sweetness to the soul and healing to the bones” (Proverbs 16:24) fills your family with ENCOURAGEMENT.
4. You show less worry and more seeking God. While you give your best, you commit tough issues to prayer and seek direction through scripture and Christian mentors (I wish it was as easy as writing it).
“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Matthew 6:34
Something happens when worry doesn’t take up residence in your brain – you become more aware of your children’s strengths, hopes and dreams!…which can grow COURAGE
5. You don’t neglect taking care of yourself – physically, relationally, mentally, spiritually – but you’re not obsessed with these things either. You understand that if you neglect yourself, it’s a bit selfish since you can’t care well for your family from the pit!
“Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own;” 1 Corinthians 6:19-20
Seeing and experiencing your health encourages your family (fills them with COURAGE).
6. You are relational with your children without being their best friend. Being relational means when you are present with your kids for discipline and training, you are grounded, generous, humble and kind (Yikes! All of those things. Let’s keep working on it…).
“No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” Hebrews 12:11
They know there’s an adult in the room, and this gives them security…which grows COURAGE.
7. You know you don’t have to be perfect, which gives you freedom to be more creative (which unleashes you as the unique person/parent God created you to be!). No cookie cutters needed.
“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” Psalm 139:13-14
They see THEY don’t have to be perfect. Freedom to experiment and safely fail helps them mature…which grows COURAGE.
All scripture referenced in this post is from the NIV, unless otherwise noted.
